i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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