You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need moral support for this bender
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
