My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
