Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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