I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
