I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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