dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
