yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i think i just naturally attract stoners
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
