I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think I won the penis lottery.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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