We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
