Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
