you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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