East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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