am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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