So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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