I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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