I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
