just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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