ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
