I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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