dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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