ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
