i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
