Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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