About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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