I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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