dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
