True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
