if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
