she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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