It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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