Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
