and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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