I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
