ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize