i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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