He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
