why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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