Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize