Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
