I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize