dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
