Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
