Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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