I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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