And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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