through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
