I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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