I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize