Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize