college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
