does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
