They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
we should paint friendship bongs
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