Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
