I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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