guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
3 2 1 whiskey
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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