I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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