Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The air was thick with penises
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm both gender and math confused
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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