The maid of honor just puked.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
