i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
