People with herpes should wear stickers.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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