All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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