The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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