im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
