Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
