there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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