I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
