Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
