I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
