You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
