I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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