no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have already put on my inside pants.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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