Me too!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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