Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
