sorry about calling you the devil all night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
