atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize