four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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