A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
