just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
