i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
