I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
