Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
