mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
