This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She needs sedatives and a leash
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
