why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
